Welcome to Season 2 ! In this episode I revisit the Healing Affirmations that started the podcast in Season 1 and I introduce some new ones. I'm so grateful for all of you!Support the show
Hello and thank you so much for joining me. I’m Hecate and this is Finding OK, a healing podcast for survivors of sexual assault and abuse. Welcome to Season 2! Today we’ll be starting things off by revisiting the Healing Affirmations that were a part of the first demo episode that started the podcast and got it off the ground a year ago.
0:24 *Intro music by Ramshackle Glory* 0:00
*Drums, and then uplifting folk/punk chords on guitar* Dalia never showed me nothing but kindness. She would say: “I know how sad you get". And some days, I still get that way, But it gets better, it gets better, it gets better. Sweetie, it gets better, I promise you. And she'd tell me...[Chorus] Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist. Keep on loving, keep on fighting. And hold on, and hold on. Hold on for your life…*fade out as guitar chords play*
It is my hope to make these affirmations available to you, so that you can take what serves you and revisit them over the course of your own personal healing. Some of them may resonate, some of them may not. That’s ok. A lot of these are intended to challenge insidious, internalized messages that crop up for survivors, some of them are focused on acceptance, and some of them are focused on self-worth. I’m going to say them, and I really suggest making space for yourself when you listen to this so that you can repeat after me and say them out loud. Using your voice helps you to absorb and process the message.
Let’s start with a deep breath. Inhale *Inhales* *exhales* Ok. Repeat after me:
I am not worthless.
I am not broken.
I am not dirty or tainted.
I do not owe them anything.
There is no “right” way to heal.
I am not less than I was before.
It will get better.
I will not always feel this way.
I did not deserve it.
It wasn’t my fault.
The people who love and support me may not understand what I am going through.
I have nothing to feel ashamed of.
It is my choice who I share this with.
If there are people in my life that believe I am lying they do not deserve me or my time.
If my experience or existence makes others uncomfortable that is their problem.
I cannot take responsibility for the decisions or actions of others.
I’m going to be ok.
I’m not ok, And that’s ok.
No one else can tell me what I should be feeling.
I am not alone.
I am powerful.
My pain does not make me weak.
There is no deadline for recovery. There is no timeline for healing.
What happened matters.
I am not defined by my trauma.
I am not what happened to me.
My anger is not wrong.
No one else can tell me when I should stop feeling angry.
Anyone who tells me I should “let it go”, or “just get over it”, has no idea what they’re talking about.
Many people will not know how to act around me, and that is not my fault, or my problem.
It is my choice whether or not to take any kind of action.
Not taking legal action does not mean it didn’t happen. It does not mean that it doesn’t matter. It does not mean that it was ok.
Nothing that I, or anyone else does, can change what happened or erase it.
I cannot rely on them being held accountable for their actions.
Not understanding or accepting what they did does not absolve them from their actions, and it does not erase the consequences.
My forgiveness is mine to give.
It is my choice whether or not I ever forgive them.
Feeling anger does not make me an angry person.
If forgiveness is something that I seek, I need to accept that it takes time.
Just because someone cares does not mean they understand.
Just because someone wants to help does not mean they know how.
I will never be the person I was before this happened. I need to accept that. The people who love me need to accept that.
It is not what happened that makes me who I am, it is how I respond to it as a person.
The only people who understand the experience of sexual assault, are the people who have experienced sexual assault.
Healing is not linear.
I am not a victim. I am a survivor.
What happened does not make me weak.
I will not always feel the same way about my experience.
Thoughts of revenge or violence do not make me a bad person.
This will always be a part of me in some way.
My trust is mine to give as I see fit.
I deserve respect.
No one deserves what was done to me.
My abuser’s trauma does not excuse their actions.
I have a right to feel what I am feeling.
No one can tell me about my experience.
I am capable of forming and maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.
It wasn’t about sex, it was about power.
I will be kind to myself because I deserve kindness.
How I responded to my trauma when it was occurring is nothing to feel ashamed of. I did what I thought I had to do, and I survived.
I deserve to feel safe.
The room of my mind is mine.
I am valid. My trauma is valid.
My healing matters.
Self-care is courageous. I am courageous.
Who I become is a choice. I have agency in my own creation and transformation.
I deserve patience, both from myself and from others.
When I heal myself I help heal the world.
The negative beliefs I hold about myself were given to me by others. I do not need to hold onto them anymore. They do not serve me.
I deserve good things in life.
I am worthwhile. I am worthwhile.
Ok, and now let’s take three deep breaths together. *three deep breaths*
Thank you so much for joining me in those, I hope you enjoyed the new additions. Thank you so much for supporting the podcast this year it’s been an incredible journey and it’s only just beginning. New episodes drop every other Wednesday at 8am EST. I’m especially excited about the next episode. It’s titled “Catharsis” and I speak with a brand-new guest, Serra, about some super intense and unusual work we did together in art school some *mumble* years ago. I hope you’ll join us.
Please write in with feedback, episode requests, and questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Let me know if you’re interested in joining me on the show, I’d love to have you. Finding OK is entirely crowd funded. This started with an idea and a Go Fund Me and y’all showed up and helped me make it happen. Thank you. Covid has been a huge challenge for all of us and I’ve been funding it out of pocket and unemployed for most of this crisis. If you have been listening and you’d like to help, even a dollar helps me keep this going. A huge shout out to Teresa for you recent donation. Thank you, it made a huge difference. If you can’t afford to donate there are other ways to help. Word of mouth goes a long way. So does sharing on social media.
Please like and follow the Finding OK Facebook page for updates and sneak peaks of new and upcoming episodes. Feel free to friend me. Hecate F. Okay. *spells name* I share relevant articles, art, memes, and resources daily. I’ve also created a private Finding OK Facebook group where survivors can connect and share. You are welcome there. You can also find me on Instagram.
Thank you so much for listening, it means the world to me. Welcome to all the new listeners, I see more of you arriving everyday since the podcast has been made available on all the various platforms. I am so grateful to you. To everyone who has been here since day one a year ago – I am blown away by your faith and your support. You helped me make this happen. Thank you. I am so honored to be here holding this space with you. I’ve learned so much and I’m really looking forward to making Season 2 better faster stronger. I fucking love you guys.
Please like, share, subscribe, and donate if you can. This has been Finding OK. Black lives matter. Take care of yourself.
17:30 *Outro music by Ramshackle Glory*
*fade in to folk/punk chords of guitar* Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist. Keep on loving. Keep on fighting. And hold on, and hold on, hold on for your life *echoes into brief silence*…(Chorus and full band) Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist. Keep on loving. Keep on fighting. And hold on, and hold on, hold on for your life. *triumphant and uplifting music plays till end*
This is the last episode of Season 4! Today I'll be taking some time to thank everyone who made this season possible, updating you about how I'm doing, and what I'll be getting up to over break! New episodes will …
Letters for the Fire is a listener participation project. Listeners were invited to write a letter to their rapist or abuser, and I promised to read them before burning them in a ritual. The goal is to create a community …
Ruth is a survivor who has been facing her past and doing the work. She's a listener who is sharing some of her story and discussing some of the steps she's been taking in her life to heal. She's been …
My sister Chie joins me to talk about our evolving understanding of self-care and emotional regulation. We are both survivors navigating life and CPTSD. I hope you'll join us for some laughter and real talk. Chie has a BA in...
Obelis is a Lithuanian Fantasy and LGBTQ+ comic artist. Her work includes War & Tea, Meow Are You?, and The Recloseted Lesbian. Obelis tried to come out as a lesbian but was forced back into the closet by her ultra-religious,...
Kalpashree Gupta joins me to share her journey in healing from childhood sexual abuse. We discuss letting go of shame and blame, what forgiveness means to her, breaking cycles of family trauma, and where she's found strength,...
Paula Mulamula is the host of the Mental Health podcast, Talk Shit With P where she focuses on real talk and breaking the stigma surrounding mental health issues. Today Paula is breaking her silence and sharing her story of s...
Emi is a survivor of family sexual abuse; she was molested by a family member over a long period of time as a young kid. After spending over a decade hiding from her past she decided to try to heal …
Hollis Brown's platform as Miss Wisconsin USA is focused on survivor advocacy, and she’s a part of End Violence Against Women International’s “Start By Believing” campaign. Today Hollis speaks about her assault in college, ho...
Kaitlin Bellamy shares what it was like for her growing up in the Mormon Church and discusses the ways that purity culture contributed to the abuse she experienced in her marriage. Purity Culture grooms people to enable, acce...
Earlier in Season 3 I invited listeners to participate in a project called Letters for the Fire. It was an invitation for communal catharsis and healing. I invited listeners to write a letter to their rapist or abuser, and I …
In this episode I share my experience of anal rape, discuss the dangerous myth that boys/men/AMAB people can't control themselves, discuss consent, and talk about some of the reasons why it was so difficult for me to identify...
Denise Bossarte is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and now she is helping others heal. Join us for a conversation about Denise's healing journey as well as her beautiful book, "Thriving After Sexual Abuse: Break Your Bo...
Anna grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family as part of the Quiverfull movement. She and her six siblings were not allowed to attend school and were very isolated from the outside world. Everything about her childhood wa...
This is a personal and raw episode where I share the story of one of my assaults. Coercion isn't consent. Two Hundred "No's" and one "Yes" is still "No". If you have a similar story, you are not alone and …
Welcome to Season 2 ! In this episode I revisit the Healing Affirmations that started the podcast in Season 1 and I introduce some new ones. I'm so grateful for all of you! Support the show